The administration is examining strategies for encouraging the ownership of fluffy kittens. “I think we can all agree,” the president said, “that in troubled times stroking a fluffy kitten can really help a struggling family to stay on course.” The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office has calculated that a tax break of approximately $750 for first-time kitten ownership would cost the government less than $400 per kitten in administrative overhead, for a total cost per kitten (CPK) of $1150. Larry Summers, who (according to some eminent economists who used to run large universities in Massachusetts) should have been named Treasury Secretary instead of that pasty-faced sycophant Geithner, because god damn it Summers has paid his dues and got tenure when he was really, really young, said, “Beneficiaries of this stimulus measure would include not only America’s hard-working families but also veterinarians, pet-food companies, cat-nip farmers, and makers of heart-shaped kitty beds, catnip-scented mouse and gopher-shaped rubber chew toys, scratch pads, scent-free non-comedogenic coat-conditioning kitty shampoos, and teaser rods with dangling lures. And while some of these important products are made overseas, the services of America’s hard-working veterinarians simply cannot be outsourced.”